Hermione Is Not Amused
by tehfanglyfish
Summary: Oneshot  A frustrated Hermione, an oblivious Ron & Harry, and online gaming.  My first fic ever.  Constructive criticism appreciated!


Disclaimer: These are totally not my characters... not even DrkLordKilla (a name that's still available). I do not claim them as my own. With the exception of the previously mentioned DrkLordKilla and also Gingivitis, the rest belong to J.K. Rowling. I also do not own World of Warcraft. That said, I am not making any profit, just having a bit of fun!

Other Disclaimer: This is my first fanfic ever. It may be my last. Let me know what y'all think, good or bad.

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When Hermione Granger had first learned that her parents would be spending the last two weeks of July in Las Vegas at a dentists' convention, she felt excited. Not only would she be left home alone unsupervised, but she was also allowed to invite her two best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, to spend the two weeks with her. Having been separated from Harry and Ron over the course of the summer, Hermione looked forward to simply hanging out with them before they had to return to Hogwarts in the fall.

Unfortunately for Hermione, things had not exactly gone according to plan. Her parents did go to Las Vegas (although Hermione secretly thought that they went more for the amusements the city offered than to mix and mingle with dentists from around the world). Ron and Harry did stay at Hermione's home. However, when it came to the trio spending quality time together, Hermione felt, anyway, that much was lacking. For the past nine days, Hermione had essentially been left on her own while Harry and Ron co-opted her parents' computers and internet connection.

It was all Harry's fault, really. Or maybe the blame could be placed on Harry's cousin, Dudley. Apparently, while spending the summer with his aunt, uncle, and cousin, Harry had discovered a video game called World of Warcraft. Dudley was not extremely eager to share his computer with Harry, but after a few well-worded threats of magical retaliation, Dudley reluctantly agreed to turn over his computer to Harry for a few hours each day. After stealing his Uncle Vernon's credit card number, Harry was able to pay the monthly subscription fee and have access to a virtual world where he could escape the tedious chores, the hurtful taunts, and general abuse that accompanied spending a summer with the Dursleys. (It should be noted that Harry usually believed that stealing was wrong. However, in this circumstance he felt that the small amount of money he took from Uncle Vernon was justly warranted, especially when weighed against the amount of labor Harry had provided the family with over the years.)

While Harry arrived at Hermione's house, he (thanks once again to Uncle Vernon's credit card) managed to acquire copies of the game for both himself and Ron. He offered to buy Hermione a copy as well, but she felt that she would rather not spend her remaining days of freedom, both from parents and school, in front of a computer. Unfortunately for her, Harry and Ron had no such reservations. Although it took Ron an afternoon to catch on to the nuances of operating a computer (coming from a wizarding family, Ron had never encounter a computer before), soon Hermione's two male companions were completely ensconced in what the back of the World of Warcraft box referred to as, "an online world of myth, magic, and limitless adventure." And, it seemed to Hermione, they were quite content to stay in this world, paying scant attention to their ever so polite hostess, except to occasionally call her over to show her a new piece of clothing or weapon that they had picked up for their respective characters.

With each passing day, Hermione realized that she was becoming increasing frustrated with her two friends. It wasn't that she minded them having a good time. However, she could simply not have invited them over and been less annoyed. Perhaps the most maddening aspect of Harry and Ron's online obsession were they types of characters they chose to play. Although there were a variety of characters available, the majority of which were not human, and a few that were not magical, Ron and Harry both chose to play human mages.

How original, Hermione thought to herself sarcastically.

As a witch, Hermione certainly had no problem with magical humans. And in some ways, she could see the appeal of playing a mage to a muggle. How else would a muggle get to cast spells and work a wand if not in some fictional setting like a computer game? But for two wizards to be playing mages… Hermione thought that was just, well, stupid. She didn't get it. How could two relatively talented young wizards enjoy watching little cartoon men cast a relatively limited number of spells? After all, they had cast real spells at school, and even managed to battle Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort when they weren't studying for exams. And why would they possibly want to use those stupid cartoon wands that made that awful noise? Hermione felt that it was best to stick to her own wand. After all, it could do REAL magic. And as far as the magical creatures in the game went, well, hippogryphs, giants, and huge spiders were pretty much everyday animals at Hogwarts.

What's more, the names that Harry and Ron chose for their characters also managed to annoy Hermione. Harry called his mage "DrkLordKilla," which Hermione felt was somewhat presumptuous. It was true that Harry had battled Lord Voldemort, but the Dark Lord was still at large. No "killa" had taken him out yet. Ron, on the other hand, settled on the first word he saw while looking around in Hermione's parents' office. This resulted in DrkLordKilla being accompanied by his trusted companion, Gingivitis.

But whatever. Hermione could handle the strange behavior of her friends because, after all, they were her friends. Her best friends to be exact, even if they were not necessarily paying her the attention that the title "best friend" warranted. What got on Hermione's last nerve were the other people playing the game.

Apparently Harry and Ron decided to join something in the game called a guild. Their guild, called Might of the Light (a name Hermione could only describe as moronic), made it possible for them to unite with other players and slay bigger monsters, or get better pants, or something. (Hermione felt herself strangely puzzled that two teenage boys who were not overly concerned with their real life appearances could be completely obsessed with clothing for their "little men." Incidentally, she noticed that Harry and Ron tended to get EXTREMELY frustrated when she referred to their characters as little men and so she actively made it a point to do so whenever possible.) It wasn't that Hermione was necessarily miffed that Harry and Ron were playing with other people. After all, they did suggest that she play as well. (Although truthfully, Hermione was slightly frustrated with the complete lack of attention she had been given.) What really got on Hermione's last nerve was the way that guild members communicated with one another.

Unbeknownst to Hermione, it was possible for a large group of people to talk to one another over the internet through some program called Bent or Vent or something. Hermione wasn't too concerned with particulars. She was just tired of hearing the voices of several teenage guys she had never met reverberating throughout her house. Regardless of which room she tried to hide in, she could still hear Harry, Ron, and all their friends jabbering away at one another about this hat or that sword or some other point related to the game.

Hermione could have been content to simply let her friends have their fun in her parents' office, if she could just curl up by herself with her summer potions reading, her copy of _Hogwarts: A History_, the latest MaryJanice Davidson novel, or even just a mind numbing magazine. But no matter how hard Hermione tried to distance herself from the sounds of her friends' totally fake magical adventures, the sounds of online discussions followed her throughout the house.

On the ninth night, when Hermione was beginning to feel especially prickly towards the individuals who were rapidly on the road to becoming her two ex-best friends, she was startled by the sounds of at least twenty teenage boys screaming in joy from her parents' office (two of which were actually present, the other eighteen existing somewhere in cyberspace). Apparently one of Harry and Ron's guildies had won an incredibly impressive necklace. Hermione would have pondered what it meant that so many adolescent males were so excited over a piece of digital jewelry if it weren't for the fact that their extremely loud celebratory shouts had startled her into dropping a glass on the kitchen floor that promptly shattered into many pieces.

Feeling rather put out as she went to clean up the mess, Hermione decided that this was the final straw. She was not longer resigned to play the role of polite, yet trampled on and ignored hostess. Hermione Granger was declaring war on her two best friends.

After giving the kitchen floor a very thorough cleaning, Hermione quietly slipped into the basement of her home, not that she necessarily needed to move about stealthily. She could have stomped like a raging rhinoceros, knocked over some furniture, and perhaps even have set the house on fire without Harry and Ron picking up on it. Nevertheless, Hermione felt it was best to play it safe and so she tiptoed down the stairs of the basement, carrying a flashlight with her. Hermione located the breaker box to the house in the back of the basement and, while grinning diabolically to herself, proceeded to flip the switch cutting all power to the house.

"Hey!" shouted Ron and Harry in unison. "What happened to the lights?"

Hoping that they would not notice her rapid return from the basement, Hermione claimed ignorance.

"I don't know. Sometimes we just have these random blackouts. I think it's the wind. Or maybe squirrels," she told them. "I'll have to call the electric company to come out and fix it. Although they usually don't respond until in the morning." Hermione desperately hoped that her friends would not see through her deception. In some ways she hated lying to them, but after nine full days of incessant sound effects, Hermione was grateful for the silence. Hermione also hoped that Harry and Ron would not notice that the neighbors' lights were still working. She wasn't entirely sure how to lie her way out of that one. Fortunately for her, Harry and Ron were oblivious.

"Well that sucks," remarked Harry.

"Yeah," responded Ron. "I guess I'll just go to bed."

"Me, too," said Harry. "I don't remember the last time I slept for a full eight hours. I've been trying so hard to get those new shoes. They never drop."

Hermione also voiced her decision to retire for the evening. As her friends went to crash in the guest rooms, Hermione climbed the stairs to her own bedroom and had an idea. After entering her room and locking the door (she knew her friends would kill her if they caught her), Hermione pulled out her laptop and, relying on its battery and her neighbor's wifi connection, Hermione Granger decided to end her day by reading some Star Trek fanfiction. She promised herself that she would turn the power back on the in morning. Until then, Hermione was content to read about Garak and Dr. Bashir. Those two belonged together and if the series writers couldn't recognize it, well, then it was just up to their fans to bring them together.


End file.
